# 579 - Moment by Moment

I now have a new computer and am thrilled because my others had given me headaches when trying to write and post.

Things are changing in this part of my teeny world since I've finally purchased and am using my first MacBook Pro. I'm now on a steep learning curve and often veer off path as I try to figure out this new existence sans a PC.

As for living with Addison's, this year we've jumped back into traveling with an effort far bigger than a splash. I'll be sharing how we've experienced beautiful travels as Addison's is a concern along the way.

Nana & Pappy on another cruise to the Western Caribbean this summer.

No matter, for 2022, I've enjoyed beautiful days of immense adventure and other bed-ridden days where I'm content to binge some series on Netflix or Hulu. On the difficult days, I struggle, but I constantly make peace with my day-to-day physical limitation.

Adaptation is key to living a great life with Addison's or with any physical condition that demands your attention, whether it be sudden or a snowball sort of attention-grabbing health issues.

The days when there are only slight taps on the shoulder, "Excuse me, could you spare me a brief moment so we can avoid the brick wall ahead," are the best kinds. On those days, you're in tune with your body, and no sneaky-fox Addison's symptoms are pouncing upon you.

Here I am at the start of summer at 54. No makeup.

Just me with my art supplies.

Traveling can be a challenging time when you have Addison's, but I don't let it hold me back, until it actually pulls me down and my moment of choice has altered to a moment of adapting to what I MUST do to get through the worst of it.

I take decent care of myself, and I don't hold back seizing the day. And yes, that means confronting my health needs, being prepared, listening to my body, and knowing when to stop seizing and to instead wave the little white flag.

On the white flag days, I make a hasty retreat to climb into bed and allow my body to do the dance of calming rest.

I've lived with Addison's a long time and have had a rather joyful existence despite very critical times... a broken neck and other multiple surgeries that were about as high on a surgical-risk scale as you can get for a normal, healthy person, but I got through them with Addison's. 

There have been illnesses and heart-wrenching deaths of people I most loved, and I figured out how to get through it all... with Addison's pouncing on my devastated state of existence. Staying on top of my blood pressure, heart rate, medicine, and it can be a juggling act. Times of loss can make it extremely difficult to manage Addison's. 

We all walked to a special spot in Texas to spread my father's ashes. With my mother's.

That's Coco, his oldest great-grandchild walking in front of me.

In 2020, I lost my father, and I will admit that the year that followed his death put a strain upon my body as never before. His passing caused extreme stress, which made managing Addison's a warring time for my body.

There were many months when I had trouble walking... forget stairs... and I lived with nausea. I did take stress doses, but there is no easy way around the ups and downs that come with profound loss. It was an Addison's nightmare that I did my best to handle without adding stress upon others, but it was probably the most dangerous phase for me, other than my surgeries.

Dad is now with Mom who died in 2006 at 57-years-old due to breast cancer. Dad was 74, and I had selfishly wanted more time with him. He went to Italy shortly before he passed, spending a good deal of time there. I'm glad he did so much in life, but he's now moved to a new address in Heaven, again with so many people he loved. 

I'll write more about his passing later because my long-time readers know of my closeness with my father. I have been blessed.

My mom and dad when we lived in Scotland. I took this picture of them.

But the good days give me reason to savor each second of treasured vibrancy, whether it be from a sedentary position or with me dancing in celebration. I go with what I'm given. 

I barter with my body. I know, for the most part, about the precarious give-and-take relationship I share within it. If I don't listen to my body's needs as it carries a passenger I must address, then that passenger, Addison's, will rule the day... and perhaps more.

To get to my next best day, I've got to listen to the passenger inside. I have to stay on top of things to keep it quiet and satisfied. Sometimes it makes demands upon me that I cannot overrule, and this is when adapting is the key to living a great life. I refuse to hand over more than is absolutely necessary to this passenger.

That means I don't let Addison's own me. I refuse to let it hold my life hostage. When strong, energetic days are presented, I don't question it. On those days, I get into the highest gear allowed and tackle as much as I can for as long as I can.

Pappy with our two oldest grandsons & Nyms.

With Addison's, you never know how the next day might go, so when the good days come, you make it work for you. Those are often catch-up days. Those are the days when I am enthusiastic yet a microscopic part of me yearns for the pre-Addison days when I hadn't known high gear would become a rarity.

These days, I have leveled-out, for the most part. I do not have many high-gear days nor too many days of feeling dissolved, but both kinds of days do make their respective appearances here and there. 

The "walking through mud" sensation I began having when Addison's decided I was a prime vehicle for it to hitch a lifelong ride in... that sensation is still with me, more or less. Depending on the day, there is either thick mud I must press and battle to wade through with each step or there are energetic days when it's easier to move, but the mud then can fall upon me from the Heavens, threatening to press me to the ground. 

Having Addison's is indescribable, but when my blood pressure and electrolytes go out of whack, I can feel like a rag doll surrounded by mud. That's the best way I can describe it.

Sometimes my symptoms are in check with treatment and are barely noticeable, but I've never had a day when the disease is completely absent. And yes, I have to turn down more invitations than I'd like. I have to ration my energy. For me, it is more than a precious commodity.

If I want to show true love for my family, I've got to be real with my limitations yet not use the disease to bail out of life. The stressful things do take a toll, that's the entire nature of Addison's, yet I have to decide how much of a toll I can manage with medication.

On a recent cruise in May. At the "no choice" phase. I had to rest.

Sometimes I appear normal looking on the outside, and then I'll have a day when strangers reach out to ask if I'm okay or their eyes hesitate upon me for too long as their expressions reveal concern. Boy, I don't like those days.

My grown daughters understand that my body requires more rest than it once did, and they're totally onboard with normalizing my normal, and I love their own adaptability. I have daughters who are now amazing women, wonderful mothers, and we all treasure one another.

With my oldest daughter, Heather. 

I can't put into words what she means to my heart and soul.

We can never make it through photos without cracking up.

Regardless of what each day holds, I keep wading through the mud on the days when it is all but a brick wall, and I must battle to get to the bathroom. And like I said earlier, sometimes the mud moves from in front of me, changing consistency and coming at me from a new direction... falling upon me, like an invisible light rain that isn't actually light. It is pressing. It's a strange resistance when our body is affected by the worst of Addison's.

And as I age, now in my fabulous fifties, I find some things are harder because of Addison's, but the strange thing is that a lot of things are easier. Living with this passenger for over two decades has taught me valuable lessons. 

Me with my youngest son-in-law, Brice this summer.

This specific, unique disease has taught me specific, unique life-saving attitudes and behaviors. Those translate to prompt me to make the best actions for surviving the mud-slinging disease I've come to study, respect, and learn.

After all, my attitude is the best shovel one can own against this disease. Years and years ago, I thought Finding Lana would be easier after Addison's hailed me as its permanent ride when I was 33-years-old, but I've learned that finding my adaptable self is a lifelong journey. Addison's means various phases of life will require additional adapting to the disease... in many ways. I'll age into new issues, but Addison's always complicates matters, and I do not ignore that fact.

If you have Addison's or any other disease or condition that requires vigilant attention, I hope you never stop figuring out how to help yourself make it through days when the mud is packed around you.

This is a recent 24-hour time constraint charcoal

of my oldest daughter, from when she was a kid.

Take notice of your body and take NOTES. Figure out what makes days better and what makes them worse. Monitor your vitals, Juggle those medications to give yourself the best Addison's ever-changing self-treatment that you can muster.

I want others to know there are treasured lessons that come from great struggles, lessons healthy people are often ignorant in knowing. That's not a bad thing. But, living with such a struggle can provide rare Masterclass lessons in countless ways, giving you "new" eyes for seeing everything touched by life. 

My oldest grandchild, Coco.

My youngest daughter, Stefie, with her beautiful family.

My goofy husband to whom I've been married a LONG time.

We not killed each other, and the lack of bloodshed has been worth it!

If you can figure it out, tell me the good lessons - the surprising lessons - and the lessons you might not have learned without the boost from whatever it is that requires you to adapt.

Keep your inner shovel ready, but know when to set it aside and tune-out the world so you can endure the worst, whether the worst be minutes long or longer. How do you adapt and make life matter during those moments?

What matters to you? How do you provide self-care and self-nurturing.

For me, I take actions to make life worth living. I savor the small stuff for as long as possible and spit out the bitter as fast as I can. I make downtimes work for me, either through that tv binging, through writing, or through art. During those times, my passenger must stay seated and well-mannered because I'm still in charge.

Treating my in-laws to another late lunch.

How do you hand peace to your inner-self in spite of a raucous passenger? What is your distraction?

Live well, MOMENT-BY-MOMENT, no matter your speed!

***

PS: Leave a comment. I'll have to moderate it, but it will then post to the comments section for others to see and for me to respond to.

#570 The Family GROWS!

We're still building the country house, dubbed "Bootcreek Farmhouse." I predict that we have another two years of details to confront before this house is finished. It's a BIG project.

If you have followed this blog, you might know that we sold our home in Greater Houston, in 2013, then moved to the acreage we've owned since our kids were young. We didn't have a house on the property, so we bought a nice, new and shiny RV, but NEVER expecting to live in it for THREE YEARS. Selecting the spot for constructing our new home wasn't an easy task.

The goal was live on the property for a minimum of one year so we could see how weather patterns and seasons affected the land itself. Since our acreage is in a heavily forested, rural region, we couldn't just refer to the opinions of others in the area or upon documented issues because there has been no one living here to record anything whatsoever.

I'll be sharing some of our progress as I catch up with some posts.

But, the best change over the past few months has been the wedding of our youngest daughter, Stefie. It's hard to believe she's 26 years old now. Finally, she married Brice...a young man we love and welcomed with open arms into our family.

Our oldest daughter, Heather, is in the maroon dress and our

daughter, Stefanie, is the Bride. Me and Sarge are flanking Stefie.

My dad is standing next to me and my in-laws are next to him.

This is our growing family. Our sons by law are handsome,

my two grand-babies (the smallest girl and boy in arms) while

my cute niece stepped into the shot!

But, we do have more pictures with the entire clan.

Stefie's wedding was a fairy tale event.

She was a truly beautiful bride. And she actually wore my veil...the veil that survived over 30 years in storage. I must say, it looked as if it were made just for her.

The family heirloom she wore for her

wedding...the veil. There is a 30 year gap

from the time I wore it on my wedding

day to marry her daddy, until the day

Stefie wore it for her own wedding.

Stefie with her niece and our grand-daughter, Coraline.

Here is Sgt. Dave during the father and daughter dance to Butterfly Kisses.

Their wedding will always be remembered.

And I'm so proud of my daughters. They are sisters who are always there for each other.

The wedding has been a sacred event that started out 2017 with a beautiful BANG! The wedding was January 14th, and it turned out to be a BEAUTIFUL day in Texas with temperatures in the 70's. It couldn't have been more perfect.

I'll post more about the wedding and details with the decorating later.

I'm glad to be back. Happy posting everyone!

*******

There's still no answer to why my pictures disappeared from old posts...still searching for an answer and a possible move to a blog domain that won't be subjected to such severe blogger issues. Wordpress seems too expensive and analytics only come with the $20+ per month subscription. No thanks. In this blog, I've mostly copied and pasted all photos from my own photo supply, not using a third party, such as Picasso. I've never had an issue, until the past few months...it seems. If anyone has a suggestion of how to blog without such issues, I'm open to advice.

# 567 - 30 Years of Marriage - An Edited Thought

On June 14th, just a couple of weeks ago, Sgt. David and I were married 30 years. I can't believe so much has happened over the last 30 years, but being married during all of it has defined the meaning of staying together better and for worse. We definitely know how to stick with it.

So, I wanted to mention this life-time achievement award category of a 30-year marriage under our belts. Plus, we clean up pretty well for pictures, so I better prove it while I have the opportunity.

Here we are the week of our anniversary eating at one of our favorite local restaurants.

However, the majority of time, since moving to the country in 2013, this is how we appear on most days...

Getting started in 2013 on our acreage, as full-time residents, was hard work. It's still a lot of work.

Yet, we always find time to explore local restaurants. Our mission is to try all of them.

Some days I am cold, tired and worn out. And I look it.

Other days I am able to get with it.

One of the things I've done with each room is to stomp the sheetrocked ceilings, this gives them texture in the style you determine via your stomping method. I find it humorous that I "stomp on the ceiling." Lol.

Sgt. David used the machine to texture the walls and he ends up looking as if he walked through a storm of baby powder.

When we're not working in the house or jobs, both of us love to explore.

One of my favorite things to do is to get supplies for the garden. Here we are getting two huge pallets of sod. It's a very good idea to water the pallet from top down, so the top layers of sod don't peel away and get lost on the trip home. If they are too dry for the trip, they are too light. Watering them makes the soil heavy and they stay flat while driving home. We stopped at a gas station with a water machine and watered the top of the pallets. On hot days in Texas, the top layer dries extremely fast while driving home. Some people cover them with a tarp, but we had already used the tarps on our furniture that was also being transported home.

We work on the land and get sweaty, covered in dirt and gross. But, we have times of rewarding ourselves, such as in the photo below where we are back at the Farm House Restaurant for lunch; it was delicious. This place is on Lake Livingston and you can also sit outside on the deck to overlook the lake and feed the hundreds of turtles that are looking for food.

A fun day was picking up the new tractor. In just over a year's time, that tractor looks 30 years old. The poor thing is used and abused. In our lifetime, we won't buy a brand new tractor ever again. That's a lesson learned. NEW is way too expensive for the beatings it gets.

And here is the day I was able to sweep out, pick up broken glass and bits of trash from the storage shed we'd stored our main household items in for nearly three years. It was a wonderful day to get our belongings out of this shed. Like Christmas.

Then, the tired days roll around again. We seem to have a LOT of tired days. Here is a day I couldn't find a ponytail to keep my long hair out of my face while I was working, so Sgt. Dave found a piece of copper wiring and he wound it into my hair to create a makeshift hair tie. It worked. And I became a "Copper Head."

And all that grey hair!!! Where did THAT come from? Yes, in my family, the women get grey/white streaks at a young age. They should magically disappear again, soon.

We try to have fun moments, on purpose. Sometimes planning a fun moment can be a challenge because we must take time out and pursue the fun; it can be hard to do when we have so much on our plate. But, once we do something different and have a good time, we're always glad we did it.

One day, Sgt. David will be able to retire and he will be a different man. With facial hair. On a rather recent extended vacation from work, he was able to give me a glimpse as to what the future will bring with his appearance. I like it.

And even on our busiest of days, we find time to notice each other and to say "I love you." Throughout my ENTIRE LIFE, those are words I've been happy to reserve for my most treasured family members...they are not words carelessly given to another. I must mention that we are warned Biblically that our affections are supposed to be guarded, and I've been successful in this goal. Most of us have seen the devastation that follows when someone does not guard their affections. So, I'm content with myself in knowing that my marriage and my love was always a priority.

There is peace of mind that comes with knowing my love had always been reserved for one person throughout marriage...for 30 years. To be honest, it wasn't difficult...not because my husband is phenomenal, but because I took my vows before God seriously, and I truly put God first. If I had put my husband first, I would have strayed, but God gave me this inner-strength to never give any temptation a foothold in my life. I'm grateful to the Lord for taking my dedication seriously and for meeting me halfway to give me strength where I was weak. If someone handed me their phone number or asked me to lunch, etc., I NEVER took the next step toward that person...sometimes taking the first step toward faithfulness is to not take a step or to take a step away, not toward, the temptation. But, we all have free will and people will do what they want to do; if they are interested in the temptation as being something they'd like to explore, they will take steps toward it and justify it all day long. We know it's a choice. All along the way, we have choices, and we are the whole of our choices.

Loving a spouse takes more than love...it takes loyalty, faithfulness, honesty and the love that is given should never be forsaken for any other person. And when you do offer mature, meaningful love for your wife or husband, you understand that vows spoken to each other should mean something. Vows are more than a ritual of words...the very MEANING of take VOWS is to make promises to each other. And if you have a sacred wedding ceremony of saying vows to each other, before God, then you better know what those vows mean because God does not take broken vows lightly. He would rather we make no vows than to make a vow and break them. I suppose if God had a "pet peeve" that this would be one of them...according to His OWN words of having great distaste for those who break their promises. And this is another reason the Lord dislikes adultery and has it on His short list of TEN COMMANDMENTS that we should not break. God knows our vows are serious.

So, if vows don't mean something to you, then why should they matter to your spouse and in what way would the vows serve you, if you don't serve them? So, don't fail to remember that those vows are your glue; don't take actions that would disintegrate that glue because a marriage experiencing broken vows can be damaged beyond repair.

Boy, I've been learning lessons during construction of this house...lessons that apply to all areas of life. We cannot take our meaningful relationships for granted or they will fade away.

Relationships take diligent work. If pathetic half-a$$ efforts are made toward a marriage, then the results will reflect it. In marriage, you don't have to be Super-Woman or Super-Man, just don't mess up so massively that the damage is permanent. And be nice.

For those who have done everything they can and are not met with the level of commitment necessary to maintain a marriage, I'm deeply sorry for your loss and for the betrayal against you and the marriage. Sometimes knowing that everything humanly possible was done on your part to make it work is a beautiful truth that will eventually be a comfort. You hear advice to do everything "humanly possible" to make it work, but if you run out of "humanly possible," then it is okay...you were never destined to make a marriage work by yourself. That wasn't the arrangement. If one of the two fails the marriage in a way that is irreparable, then there is not a marriage left to repair. The choice avoid such damage should have been the priority; the repair of a damage marriage does not rest solely on the shoulders of the one who is betrayed. So, sometimes you must accept that a partner put the marriage on the chopping block. And miracles do occur, but if you have a partner who keeps putting the miracles on the chopping block to hack away at it again, then there will never be enough miracles to create a whole marriage with that person.

We see too many who think one partner is obligated to carry the important weight of the marriage...the faithfulness, the monogamy, or maybe one is too deep in addiction to be a dependable, consistent marriage partner and their addiction makes them a stranger who you didn't choose to marry...so many things in life can go sideways. And that's the reason marriage is not for the faint of heart or for the romantic-minded person who doesn't understand that dirty diapers, bills and cleaning the toilet isn't romantic. Being realistic is great preparation for marriage. Being a person who remembers and honors wedding vows during the strongest of temptations is a great way to make marriage work. However, for those who are left betrayed, I know God restores the broken and that He might even give you someone, eventually, who will restore your faith that vows and commitments can indeed be honored...that person might just be YOURSELF and your relationship with God. But, I do believe many brokenhearted people can be shocked to one day find themselves honored by love instead of hurt by it. If you are brokenhearted, be kind to yourself. Yes, you deserved better and God is watching.

Marriage is an unending puzzle, but the wedding vows make many things clear and easier to confront. If the vows are honored, your steps throughout marriage will take you to a higher and higher place...that's a sacred place few can reach. If you know the meaning of keeping your vows, then you will reach it, but if you broke vows and made excuses for doing so, then the steps have already crumbled beneath your feet and you just don't know it yet. I hope those who made vows will remember them and keep saying them to each other regularly, either with renewed vows in a ceremony or over an ordinary breakfast with just the two of you present, but vows should not be said just once on a wedding day and then be tossed to the back of the heart. Remember your vows to your marriage partner and keep them close to your heart before they can be callously or mindlessly broken.  

Love can hurt, but it's not supposed to be hurtful...love is supposed to be healing, kind and considerate. The best way to remain in a loving marriage with ongoing healing, kindness and consideration is to honor your vows, then the goodness of the rest will follow, naturally.

Last bit of advice, if you don't think you can stick with clear, traditional vows, then you better write your own that you know can be kept. If you can't keep promises, don't make them.

Anyway, that's my 30 year wedding addition I had to edit into this space before I could move forward with more posts.

Here we are at the tax office. Sgt. David is having a great time on his phone while I have a great time on mine...the joys of modern love.

If you can pay taxes together and enjoy yourselves, albeit independently via electronic devices, then you might survive life and maybe even marriage. Taxes are definitely not romantic.