Saturday, September 24, 2011

#101 - Can I Convince Him?

Deputy Dave and I are hoping to make a trip to our land next weekend. So, that means that this weekend we will be checking on the Cub Cadet, making sure our accommodations (the tent) is without injury and our air mattress holds air. I'll make my check-list that always comes in as an essential part of our journey, that check-list saves our butts every time. Did you bring the can-opener? Check!

Preparing our menu for cooking out in the open on our acreage is one of my favorite things to do. It seems that camp food is always the best food around. Of course, Deputy Dave is the main cook around here and that's because he's really good at it. But, I keep trying.

So, my contemplations this morning start you think I could convince Deputy Dave to just leave me on the land next weekend? I could spring it on him at the last minute, before packing up to leave. I mean, this would be a great idea. I'd be able to get a jump-start on things at the property while he returns to our luxurious house in the Greater Houston area. It would make sense for me to be out there on our acreage every day so that I could be mowing, trimming, picking up never-ending sticks and breathing in the fresh country air.

Do you think I could convince him to let me stay?

There's a little convenience store about one mile from our land, so I'd be perfectly fine. If I needed anything, I'd put on my walking shoes, hit the Farm to Market Road in front of our property and walk down the road lined on each side with densely forested wilderness to get a Snicker's bar and to see an actual person.

Maybe if I picked a big fight with him, just before it was time to pack up and leave the property, maybe THEN he'd really consider leaving me on our raw acreage for a few days. Hmmmm. Maybe not.

For the record, in over 25 years of marriage, Deputy Dave has never left me stranded anywhere. We've never had a bad scene of him dumping me on the side of the road as you see in the movies. He's too protective. So, that means I don't get to enjoy a bit of soap opera drama.

Still, I feel as if I could do it! I could stay on the land for a while by myself! Maybe I'd be like a contestant on "Survivor" and end up living off the land like some wild woman. Three weeks later, Deputy Dave would come back to the land o find me wild haired and with twigs sticking out of it, I'd have a few ticks here and there along with dirt smudges all over my face instead of make-up, and I'd be dressed in a hickish deer hide outfit that I fashioned after wrestling to kill a buck with my pocket knife. Honey, would you like some deer jerky?

Well, maybe things wouldn't go THAT far, but as long as my tent held up, I could do it!

Then again, I sit here this morning and consider the wild landscape of our acreage. I squarely realize that our land is surrounded by nothing but more wild land, and I face the fact that it adjoins The Big Thicket Preserve...which means LOTS of wild animals are trucking their way through our land to get to our creek for a drink of cool, refreshing water.

Going further into my daydreams of being left behind, I picture night falling as I sit in my tent alone reading my book. My concentration on page number 76 would be interrupted with a sharp snap of a stick breaking nearby, then I'd hear the slow cracking of leaves as the sounds grew closer and closer to the tent. My heart would be beating so fast and furiously that it would be making little jumping motions so it could escape, I would be able to feel it hopping upward to make an exit out my throat. But, I'd be frozen. At that moment, my flashlight batteries would flicker and I'd be plunged into total darkness as the sounds outside came to a halt. It's a stand-off. Who will make the next move?

Yes, I might end up being huddled in the dark, knowing Big Foot was lurking around the tent, sniffing at the smell of my delectable Cheetos dust covered fingers. Everyone knows Big Foot lives in The Big Thicket. He's there...wanting my Cheetos.

As night closes in on me, darkness will swallow me whole because it does get DARK in the country, very dark, not "city" dark with glowing electricity blocking out the darkness, the country embraces pure darkness. Suddenly, night would seem like an eternity as Big Foot is lurking in circles around the tent, and I would want to be back home again, in the yucky city. So, I reluctantly realize in my long circular fashion that it would not be such fun out there in the wilderness, in a tent, without Deputy Dave by my side.

Therefore, I don't think I'll pick a fight with him on our next visit to the land. In fact, I'll make sure the truck keys are hidden in a special place so that I can be sure that I get loaded up first, just in case.

Even with thinking about all of the dark, scary the light of day, I feel as if I could live out there right now and rough it and tough it out. I love being on our land so thoroughly that there's hardly anything that could keep me away. I've encountered big and small critters, snakes, bugs of all kinds, horrible weather and night sounds you don't really want to hear. But, I still love it. However, I realize that I love it WITH Deputy Dave.

One day, I'll have proper shelter on our land with a little country house. It will be our every day, regular home and it will be okay for me to be there on my own. I'll have my dogs, my comfy bed, my kitchen, my bathroom...oh yes...a real bathroom, and a few guns....all will be well. It will be our home. And then, I'll even be able to enjoy moments in the dark by myself, but hopefully, that won't ever be necessary.

Deputy Dave will never be able to leave me alone. It's not his character to leave me alone. I'd love to say it's because of some exotic reasoning, such as...he's immortal. Yes, that's the ticket. The immortal angle will work for me. After all, isn't that the new vogue ideal of romantic love? I'll never be alone in the dark because I married a Vampire and his every desire in this life is to simply watch me while I sleep and drool. He's easily entertained like that.

Snort, Snort...I am laughing at the vision of my "vampire" in the dark wearing his CPAP machine while our sound machine blares with electronic rainfall pitter-patters.

Okay, I'm back. For now.


Mike said...

Bigfoot will leave you be if you share the jerky with him. Have you seen them commercials on TV?
Ask Howdy and the girls if they'd stay with you.
Why walk to the store when you can 'George Jones' it and ride the Cub. ;)

Lana at said...

True. Yes, I've seen the commercials, maybe he will be this humorous in person. haha And, Howdy would do a good job of giving his "manly" barks at night-time as warnings. He knows how to put on the macho bark, when needed. And, I'd ride that Cub Cadet to the store, no problem. Good idea! I think we've done it before, on our old Murray mower. But, the cub can go pretty fast. I just don't like the idea of those logging trucks whizzing by. Augh!

LindaG said...

Haha. Mike beat me to it. That's what I was going to say. You toss the jerky. ;)
And I can't imagine you being without a pistol for protection.
And one of your dogs.

It won't get any easier, either, let me tell you.
We have discussed that possibility. But the time would be months instead of a week or so; and after 37 years, it just isn't going to happen.

Vickie said...

Lana - this is a cute post - you cracked me up. And what's even funnier - you sound just like I did about 4 years ago, then 3, then 2 and now finally, I'm on my farm and land! I couldn't wait to be out there on the weekends and hated to go back to our home in town! You'll make it. You just keep on dreaming and planning and wishing and drawing everything out in your mind how you want it to be. I know EXACTLY how you feel!

Kelly said...

I enjoyed your blog. I know how you feel too. We looked everywhere and were lucky enough to find a farm complete with a house and barn. Last night we stood on the front porch listening to the coyotes yelping in the distance. Then we went back inside! We loved coming up to the farm on the weekends and working on the house/barn/ land. Enjoy this time too.