This week I am slow to write because my grandmother is in the hospital. She's had a sore in her mouth that has worsened and she's been choking when she swallows; she even has trouble talking. So, today she's having a biopsy, the doctors have made it clear that they believe it to be cancer. She's in her early 80's and a trooper, always strong, always independent and a lot of fun.
Since this is my maternal grandmother, she's extra close to me. We both suffered a great loss when my mother died from in 2006 at the age of 57 from breast cancer. My grandmother could not believe that her only daughter died first. She continually tells me that this is not natural. A parent should not out-live their children, I agree. But, life throws us some painful curve balls at times.
My beloved Uncle Billy is left alone to do the hard things that a grown child must do for their aging parent. He and my mom, his sister, had been closer than twins. They supported each other and loved each other through many trials in life. Now, he often feels alone.
So, Deputy Dave and I are about to head up to the hospital just outside of Houston. My grandmother will probably be out of it and won't even know I was there, except for the book I am leaving her that I had promised to bring to her. But, I really am going to be supportive to my Uncle. He's such a good-hearted man; a loving mentor of what a man really should stand for and how a man should behave...all throughout my life, he was strong, yet tender with undying loyalty running through his veins. He has an extra special place in my heart.
I've said my prayers for the day, even though I am often in a continual state of prayer under my breath during times like these...the Lord has His action in motion and He certainly bends to hear our cries, but I know my grandmother has lived a long life, whatever He chooses in His course of action, I will accept with peace and thanksgiving. Yes, I'd love for her to hang around longer, but she has been suffering for quite a while and my selfish needs will not trump her right to meet her Lord and to be comforted for eternity.
It's weird because so many people linked to my history are fading away. I have questions that I would love to ask, but the people with the answers are gone. Times change. People move in different directions and we must constantly adjust.
Anyway, I'm glad I've already had my flu shot since I'll be heading through the hospital doors. Tis the flu season, already. However, I will be sorry that she must be confined to a yucky hospital room with all of the intrusive sounds and actions that come with being a patient. I've been there one time too many, so I have deep compassion for those who are in linger-pin-cushion mode. Maybe the doctors will find a solution to her problem; maybe the biopsy will come back as a surprise to the doctors there won't be cancer cells; maybe they'll be able to treat the problem once it is better examined.
I just hope she does not linger in a state of suffering. Sometimes, our greatest gift can be the end, if the timing is just right. For her, she's lived a long, full life and has told me that she's ready to move on. She's been blessed. We've been blessed to have her around for so long. And I know she'd be celebrating the end of this life because she'd again be with her own mother and daughter once again.
Therefore, "the end" is really the beginning.