Tuesday, October 23, 2012

# 363 - Adapting to Different Phases in Life

I've always wanted a little red farmhouse. The windows on this little two-bedroom house are perfect sized to let the outdoor landscape be seen with clarity. Also, the attic would have a bit of room for a room conversion to allow some extra sleeping space and hang-out square footage, maybe a craft room for me.

This house is about 1157 square feet. Not too shabby. These are built by Texas Casual Cottages, Trendmaker Homes. These two get my serious attention. However, they are priced rather steep, even for being built on your own land.

The next house is larger, but I don't really care for their floor plans. I'd rather have a plan that is more old-fashioned.

We are so exhausted since coming back from the wedding. Our first weekend since the wedding was spent with our niece, Shaye, spending the weekend with us. My next post is about those fun days. There's nothing like having a six-year old perspective to keep you in line!

Also, to get us one step closer to being able to move...Deputy Dave went through agony to pull a ton of boxes out of the attic so I could take inventory of these boxes that I previously packed...a few are destined for a garage sale and others are full of craft supplies, holiday decorations, others are jam-packed with the girls' childhood keepsakes and will be kept for a while, especially because grand-children will probably be in our future. I know that box of old Barbies will be a joy to have --- that's one purchase we'll never have to make again for our entire lives, even if we have ten grand-daughters, we have plenty of Barbies to go around!

One thing is for certain, gaining a son-in-law has provoked a marked change in both of us. It's as if our heads have been yanked upward to see the sparkling stars as obscuring clouds move aside.

A family is something that is not easy to build. I've seen how easy it is to tear it apart. The bottom line never have as much apart as you had together, in every sense. I have learned that walking away from problems is the easy part. Keeping the family together is the hard part.

At my daughter's wedding, I had someone ask me how I'd managed to stay married for 26 years and I said, "I think adapting to the different phases throughout marriage is critical."

Those who have been married near 30 years usually have some sort of marital scars to prove they've suffered through the worst of times and they also have beautiful evidence to prove it's worth it to heal any wounds that can be made better after a time of ugliness.

Even at our age, our grown children depend on us to be together for holidays. They want to call one of us, yet have access to both of us. One day, the kids want to call us when that grandbaby is on the way and have us both leave town together and arrive with beaming faces in unison.

I hope my daughter and her new son-in-law will always remember to be tender and kind to one another. Without those ingredients, they are likely to end up like any other Joe Blow to each other. Remain unique to each other, able to connect to each other's souls. That kind of bond is very difficult to break, even after the worst of times. But, for people who have been married near 30 years, we can assure them that trying times will fall upon them and it's up to those two people to get through it. They won't be the same kids who said, "I do," because Father-Time will have a hold upon them and the clock cannot go backward, but you must adapt and learn to love each other, even as you are falling apart.

Sometimes you feel as if a raging fire has moved through your relationship and burned everything to a crisp, then, just as you feel all hope is nothing more but a heap of smoldering nothingness, a new sprout of encouragement peeks upward and begins to grow strong. Newness and regrowth can be sought in the ruins of old ashes.

Relationships are tricky, the best thing to do is to do your best, remember your portion of the commitment.

Like so many families discover after their kids grow up, it's not so easy to be a "family" because the "family" is diminished somewhat. Then, your kids get married and it hits you across the head...dummy...the family is not diminished at all, in fact, it's growing and will be busier than ever, very soon.

In front of us lays the many decisions to be made that will be scary and without a guarantee. However, moving to the country is an action that offers many more reliefs than stresses. All we can do is keep moving forward, have faith, not be complacent, keep communicated, and be willing to go the extra mile to adapt to this new phase in our lives.

I am ready. I think I was ready yesterday!


Anonymous said...

Congrats on a wedding well done. In fact it was beautiful from what little I could see. You must be very proud of your beautiful daughters as I am of mine. All three of them. You have one wedding under your belt and I have none. I may have to contact you with stupid questions. Lol Anyway, you survived and sounds like things are coming together for you. I was kinda worried about you there for awhile...I'm sure the stress was overwhelming! I so enjoy everything you write. You keep writing, I'll keep reading!
Hugs from Deb in Viola

LindaG said...

That's like I told hubby the other day. If we had stayed in NC, we would have been better off financially (he might still be working instead of retired, for one); but I don't think we'd be happier.

Congratulations, again, and good luck. You have a wonderful, amazing piece of property there. You won't want for anything.

*hugs* and God bless. ♥

Anonymous said...

You are a smart will get it figured out. Beth

Chain Stitch Crochet said...

Sounds like things have turned around for you. I hope so. I wish you nothing but good. When your grands start coming you will realize how much more love there will be to see you through. Babies keep you young. :o)

The Kelly's Adventures in KY said...

Absolutely love the way you put things into words Lana. You are such a strong, wonderful woman. I have great hope that through God all things are possible. He is helping to heal our issues, and I know He will be there when called upon by others as well. Thank you for continuing to share your life and wisdom with all of us. - Jen.